When driving in downtown Charleston on a late Friday afternoon, it is wise to leave your pistol at home, to avoid the temptation for an overly dramatic gesture in traffic.
If you take your male dog to the farmer's market, make sure he is on a short leash in case he mistakes the tomato vendor's leg for an amorous companion.
It is often wise to make a reservation at your favorite restaurant instead of simply sauntering in and exclaiming, "Where the hell did all these folks come from?"
If you're doing yard work near a sidewalk where tourists are inclined to amble, be cautious of where you spit your tobacco.
If you're virtuous enough to attend church on Sunday morning, you can pretty much feel free to park anywhere you want except in the burial yards.
Feeding the pigeons or fishing from the railing at White Point Garden are suitable weekend activities, but the garden is not the proper place for your daughter's punk rock band debut video shoot.
A jog around downtown on an early Sunday morning is the perfect way to avoid cars and pedestrians, but remember, you still have to wear pants.
Furthermore:
Don't blow the horn... Don't wave your flag in anybody's face... Cheer only at events that require it... Say hello to people on the street... Order the seafood... You can eat some of it with your hands...
Don't pull Spanish moss off the trees... Don't eat the oleanders... Don't feed the alligators...
Three martinis might be too many... If you are a tourist, ask locals for directions... Watch for horses when you cross the street... Watch for college students when you drive... That mud you see near the marsh will suck your shoes off your feet.
Fun. I plan to steal these. :)
Posted by: Joan | April 18, 2006 at 07:40 AM
Your comment that "mud near the marsh can suck your shoes off.." brought back memories of a long, long afternoon with visitors at Ft. Sumter.
It was summer and we were in the midst of a VERY low tide. The Tour boat had difficulty getting to the dock so we could disembark.
Once inside the Fort, my guests and I went up top and I noticed it appeared there now was a connection to James Island...you could walk ashore! I did not remember that from a previous trip years ago.
I pointed to this "land mass" and my small group ventured out on the grassy point near the "spoils" area. I said "watch this!" and started out with a mighty stride and
sank into the pluff mud, down to my knees. Both feet embedded, I maintained my balance as I tried to backtrack. Hmm. Heavy suction.
It took a while but I eventually regained footing on solid land and saw thick black tar-like substance covering my legs down to where I guess my feet were. It felt like I still had my shoes but they were not visible.
Several rolls of paper towels - and a long stay in the men's room - made me presentable again but as I exited the bathroom, I saw each drying footstep that brought me there from the edge of the sun-baked thin crust that had been revealed by the low tide.
You can NOT walk to James Island from Ft. Sumter.
Posted by: Chuck Boyd | May 08, 2006 at 07:30 PM