What GMLc Has Learned

Just because it's the Silly Season, I'd like to reprint part of an old GMLc column I wrote in the winter of 2004:

WHAT GMLC HAS LEARNED:

GMLc likes a monthly feature in Esquire magazine called "What I've Learned."
Usually the source of monthly wisdom is a celebrity, but this month Esquire asked readers what they have learned.
"Naps, naps, naps, naps," replied Mike Legeros, 39, of Raleigh.
And "It's impossible to understand why someone would pay $250,000 for a car until you've driven a $250,000 car," said Amanda Gobler, 24, of Royal Oak, Mich.
Here, for the record, is a sample of what GMLc has learned... or what GMLc can remember having learned anyway.

-- If the friend you're talking with on the phone doesn't respond to what you're saying, and when you stop talking not only doesn't reply but changes the subject, that friend... 1) had put the phone down and gone to another room 2) was thinking about what he/she was going to say next 3) thinks you're incredibly boring.

-- Law enforcement objects in the rear view mirror are close enough to read your expired license plate.

-- A new broom sweeps clean but sometimes too hard.

-- The old broom knows the corners.

-- Hormonal imbalance can make you wish you were dead.

-- Drink the first martini, sip the second, sniff the third.

-- Every Lowcountry sky is a gift.

-- We live near 1,000-year-old cypress trees.

-- No matter what the TV weatherman tries to tell you, rain is not bad weather... unless it comes with a hurricane.

-- The glass is half-full.

-- Good manners are not overrated.

-- Too much TV is assaulting.

-- One of the worst things a teenager can say is, "Where's the mop?"

-- An oyster roast steams oysters to a temperature that causes their shells to open, but not to a temperature that kills any nasty microbes they happen to be carrying.

-- It's not a good idea to stand with one foot on a boat and one foot on a dock.

-- They call that thing on a sailboat "the boom" for a reason.

-- Smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod.

-- Few things have more inherent joy than a family wedding.

-- Work is not fun. That's why they call it work.

-- Things take longer than you think they will.

-- The cult of victimhood needs fewer members.

-- Constant anger and fear over current world events are more damaging to us than the events themselves.

-- "The future is already here. It just isn't uniformly distributed." — William Gibson.

-- Conventional wisdom isn't.

-- We juggle the balls of family, friends, work. If we consider dropping one temporarily, we remember that the friends ball will bounce, the work ball will bounce, but the family ball is made of glass.

-- The best opening lines to loved ones are "How are you?" and "What can I do to help?"

-- People remember you for what you finish not what you start.

-- "Don't tug on Superman's cape."

-- "It's gettin' hot in here."

-- It's not all about you.

-- Some people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

-- Palmetto bugs: the ultimate Lowcountry kitty toy.

-- Housework does not build character.

-- Of course there's a Santa Claus.

Comments

[slowjogger]

"Conventional wisdom isn't." Reminds me of the adage "common sense isn't." Of course these are elliptical sentences and the adjectives "conventional" and "common" are understood as the predicate objects. (I think that's what they are called, but it has been so long - but I digress.)